Medical Funnies

It is my intention to add this page for light humor, though I know all to well how serious transplant matters are so I hope this page maybe brings a little smile to some ones face. All jokes are PG....

If you find any medical funnies, including jokes, sayings, pictures please don't hesitate to email them to me.

Need A Heart Transplant

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.

The doctor said, “We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years.”

“I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient.

After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did.

“It was easy,” the patient replied. “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”


Get a heart transplant

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"

"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone.


Three Hearts

A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object.

"I do have three hearts," said the doctor. "The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's ,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It's ,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It's ,000."

"Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!"

"Yes, but it's from a lawyer. It's never been used


Liver Transplant

The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."

"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants."  

"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized."

Medical bloopers

An organ cooler was delivered to the O. R., ready for immediate transplant, recipient, already be prepped and ready, The surgeon turned around to retrieve organ from cooler.....NO ORGAN !!!....only Pepsi cola and sandwiches !!.....The wrong cooler had been delivered from the shuttle jet at the airport. They ambulance drivers had delivered the Pilot's lunch, by mistake… (Sent by Bob Pitcock Texas USA)


The Sawmill and the Plastic bag


Two young men were working  in the sawmill when Jack accidentally cut his arm off. As quick as lightning his mate, Pete,  put it in a plastic bag and rushed them both to hospital.

After four hours the brilliant surgeon had sewn the arm back on and within three months Jack was as good as new.

 That winter Jack was so cold, his concentration slipped and he cut off his right leg.

Quick as a flash Pete wrapped the leg in a plastic bag and rushed them both to hospital.

Although the operation was more difficult, the surgeon, once again miraculously attached the leg back to Jack’s body and after six months he had recovered.


The months went by until one day Jack fell asleep and had his head cut off. Ready for every emergency, Pete got the head and put it in a plastic bag and rushed them both to hospital.


“This is a very difficult operation” the surgeon explained “It’s touch and go.”

He told Pete to come back the following morning to see how things were progressing.


The next day came and Pete arrived at the hospital and was confronted by a very serious looking surgeon…

“ I’m sorry your friend didn’t make it.”

Grief stricken Pete replied,

“ I know you did all you could doc, but you did warn me it might not work”.

The surgeon swiftly replied,

“ Oh it wasn’t the operation, that was successful, Jack had suffocated in the plastic bag…



Transplants United (C)2005